A Soul-Deep Cry, Just what the Doctor Ordered

Everyone needs a good cry.

You know what I’m talking about, the kind of cry that sneaks up on you and purges from your soul all that needs to be released into the universe: grief, stress, exhaustion, confusion, devastation, or despair.

Last night, I was watching the K-drama Thirty Nine. The show centers around three best friends as they cope with one of them having cancer. As each episode moved towards the end, from the couch with the pup snoring at my side, the waterworks began. While I was not quite in the hyperventilating stage of crying, the snot was flowing, and I had to move to a towel after using up all the tissues. Also, the dog was over it and moved to the other side.

After a recent and unexpected hospital stay, a rugged five-week summer book tour, and terrible planning, which has had my wife and I seeing one another only for about three weeks this summer, I was ready. My body, soul, and spirit were ready for the release that only a good cry can bring.

It is important to know that I cry very easily at random things on TV: commercials, parent-child moments, and grand gestures of humanity. etc. Many a time, a child, spouse, or pup has looked at me weeping over something that we just watched with a side-eye or the words, “Seriously, are you crying?”

Why yes, you holders of hearts of stone, yes, yes I am!

I have no idea what they are talking about, I dare you not to get a little weepy at this Olympics Hyundai commercial about youth sports.

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While my CIS-gendered Asian male tears are perceived differently than other, I have always been taught that my tears, be they brought on rage, relief, or being overcome by a moment of simple beauty, my tears were holy and true. Not only do I allow my tears to flow while watching on screen, but I have embraced my tears when saying goodbye to each child as they have left for another year at school, when randomly cuddling my sweet 12yo pup as I know we do not have much longer with her (Dammit, I am crying right now . . . in the cafe. Lovely.), thinking about the suffering in the world, or being reminded of all the love and goodness around me.

I have given up the idea that I need to hold my tears back as some sign of strength, manhood, or control.

If crying can easily be genetic, I received the crying gene from my Grandfather, Esteban de los Reyes — who was a CRYER. He would often sit watching his family and start to weep with joy. (BTW, I NEVER do this.) Not always appreciated, this gift has been passed down from generation to generation, often showing up at the most inopportune and unexpected times.

I know that not everyone is prone to crying (Zero shade is directed at you except for maybe one of my kids for whom the crying gene skipped.), but I hope we can all be open to a good cry when the time comes. A good cry can be so cleansing. A good, soul-deep cry can allow sorrow to be released, gratitude to be acknowledged, grace to be embraced, or joy to be embodied. For me, being open to crying is also a practice that reminds me that at the end of the day, I am a created being with the capacity to feel deeply about the lives of others, the state of the world, and then the fullness of my own personhood.

Of course, you cannot always control when the tears will come, and you certainly cannot force tears that are not real. That said, when you feel the tears coming on, whether at the cafe, on the couch, or just walking down the sidewalk, I hope you will let them flow.

For me, I’m going to keep crying as needed.

I leave you with this video from Alycia Keys's Broadway Musical Hell’s Kitchen, as performed by Shoshana Bean and Maleah Joi Moon, and this one from the same show. Cryers, for sure.

Also, pick up Cry, Baby: Why Our Tears Matter by Benjamin Perry if you want to explore the healing and holy nature of our tears more deeply.