First Question: Why Do You Want to Grow?

When I work with churches that say they want to grow, I begin with the question, “Why do you want to grow?” then we sit with that question longer than anyone wants to. I rarely give right or wrong answers, but in this case, I think there is a less-right answer, so let’s start there.

We should not want to grow only so that we do not die.

Like many pastors, I have walked with families as they make end-of-life decisions about their loved ones. I have had to do this with my family numerous times, so I know making these decisions is complex and heart-wrenching. There is always a beat in our soul and a whisper in our mind saying, “There is a chance,” “I can’t let go,” “I won’t make the decision,” or “It’s just too hard to admit that this is the end.” While understandable, these responses often inflict unnecessary suffering and pain upon our loved ones simply because we cannot or will not acknowledge the reality of death.

I get it. Death is difficult. Sure, some of us accept it more easily, and some may find relief in its approach, but we are wired to avoid death and survive as long as we can. To embrace the death of our human body is to acknowledge the end of this holy lived experience. Our bodies have been the vessels through which we have known breath, pain, intimacy, struggle, exuberance, heartbreak, and belonging. Through our bodies, we have danced with the divine, wandered into unknown spaces, and lived life the best we could. So no matter the circumstances surrounding death and no matter how we are told to put on a brave front and be strong, the grief, loss, and pain are real.

I have learned over time not to judge the mental, emotional, and theological gymnastics we do to avoid dealing with death when it comes to our loved ones. I have also tried to be just as compassionate when asking the same questions about the church and the realities of its mortality. For so many, the church has been the Spirit-filled body that has led that divine dance, so I try not to be flippant when talking about its death because even acknowledging the possibilities of death, that same grief, loss, and pain begin to make themselves known.

Many of us know that death is already here for some communities and that pretending otherwise will not stop it. In our bodies or our congregations, we must not prolong a life that is meant to end by giving too much power to the voices that deny the inevitable, “There is a chance,” “I can’t let go,” “I won’t make the decision,” or “It’s just too hard to admit that this is the end.” I understand why we want to avoid death as long as possible, but prolonging life is different from living.

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Death of our bodies or death of a church, let no one say it is easy. But it is also part of our cycle of life, death, and rebirth — and we are a resurrection people. We are a people who believe in new life after death, and not just a “new and improved” new life, but a more wholly abundant, generous, and expansive life of tomorrow. We are not resurrected to the same form and function as we once were but resurrected into something new. So our human body, the body of Christ, the congregations we serve, and communities of faith to which we belong — we must not avoid our death, we must trust that there is new life beyond it.

So, when asked, “Why should we grow?” if, at the end of the day, the answer is, “So we don’t die?” we must understand the ramifications of this being the foundational reason to pursue growth. When we strive to grow primarily to avoid death, we do ourselves a disservice and deny the possibilities of what may be tomorrow because we cannot imagine them today. Living so that we do not die does not move us toward the divine but holds us back from knowing the divine more deeply. Trying to grow so we do not die runs the risk of making our faith tactical rather than transformational. We run the danger of diminishing what has been formative in our lives by seeing that version of our faith as the only possible. Growing to avoid dying confines God to what we now believe to be true at the cost of the unbinding of what more we could come to know in the future.

As painful as it is to think about it, to see new life, there must be death. We are a resurrection people, and we either believe that or not. At the end of the day, if our churches are going to grow into the new life that God intends, there will be death and we must trust there will be resurrection. Death may come for a church as a whole or only certain parts, but death will need to be faithfully embraced if there is going to be the new life that so many yearn for.

Too often, when talking about church growth, we want to proceed to the tactics and strategies and avoid sitting with primary and foundational questions like, “Why do you want to grow?” By beginning here, we can mutually admit how hard it is to face the prospect of death — or if we even want to face it at all — and will be more prepared to accept the questions about what is dead or dying and be open to new life ways of being. So talk about death, for when we give death a little less power to constrain our imaginations, we give ourselves a little more permission to cultivate the new life that many claim to seek.

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*This post is one of a series of exploratory ideas for a book project that I am developing. It will eventually turn into a book on growth for progressive churches and is meant to inspire, provoke, and shape meaningful conversations about congregational growth and communal impact. While these posts are not being shared in any particular order, the project will be framed as a series of big questions for communities to address when exploring possibilities for growth. More questions and topics will be introduced over the next few months, but if you have a good fundamental question about church growth that should be asked, feel free to send it my way.