I was wrong.

Like so many people over the years, I normalized the oppression of Palestinians and justified cataloging it as just one more issue on the list of things I should care about. I voted the ways I should on divestment, I participated in boycotts, and I could feel good about being part of the pro-Palestine cool kids club. Helpful, sure, but mostly performative, with me risking very little.

I was challenged to think more deeply when I went to Israel and Palestine in 2015, but even then, I am not sure I was truly committed.

And then October 7th happened. Lives were lost in Israel, and the Israeli government began its onslaught on Gaza. Then, in February 2024, I traveled back with a group from the Israel Palestine Mission Network of the Presbyterian Church (USA), coordinated a group of digital storytellers that following May, and will convene two more delegations in the Spring. In the middle of it all, I have become friends with folks from Palestine, connected with a family in Gaza, and have come to deeply respect the work of Sabeel.

One could say that I am all in.

Sitting in the back of my spirit this entire time is a tinge of lament and shame about how I have approached those engaged in this work for so long. So last week, I posted the following words of apology and thanks on Instagram and on TikTok. If directed at you, please accept my apology and my thanks, and if you are like me, share it with an activist near you.

The Amalgamation is made possible through your financial and viewing support, so please consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

Transcript:

I'm sorry it's taking so long for me to say this, but for those of you who have been engaged in activism for Palestinians over the last decades, I want to say two things: I’m sorry, and thank you.

I'm sorry because for decades, while I believed I was on the right side of justice, not only was I one of those who normalized and justified the oppression of Palestinians, but honestly, whenever you stood up to talk at a meeting, I thought to myself, “Oh God. Here is so and so getting up again to lecture us about Palestine again. I deeply regret how condescending and dismissive I have been in the past.

But also, thank you.

Thank you for your perseverance in speaking up. Your conviction and care have undoubtedly saved lives;

Thank you for keeping these spaces open and actively inviting people like me in. Your inclusivity and hospitality have not gone unnoticed;

And thank you for not gatekeeping the movement. Some of us have finally stepped into this space and are leveraging our voices and influence alongside of what has been happening all along.

It pains me that it has taken this genocide moment to call more of us into the struggle against militarism, settler colonialism, and the death-dealing support that the United States and Christian Zionists so blatantly offer.

So again, to those who have been pleading with us for so long to hear and see, I am sorry for not listening and witnessing better before and I am deeply grateful for your patience, encouragement, and collaboration you offer today.

I guess I’m one of you now. Free Palestine!